A very important something. My camera battery is dead and I can't find the charger. So you'll get new old pictures.
Second... last week's doctor's appointments and therapy and meetings wore me out. Everything went well.. Jake is in the 85 percentile for weight and 62nd for height. He's a big boy and I'm glad.
It's hard to believe he was like this when he came home nine months ago.
Not even six pounds!
Don't tell Jake but he's got to have blood drawn this week for some more test. It's all part of the Williams Syndrome checklist.
So let me get back to that wore me out statement. Here's my true confession. All of this just stinks. The tests, the therapies, the worries, the wondering.
The fear.
If I didn't smile at you this weekend or wouldn't talk or just looked miserable....I'm sorry.
Just know I was having one of those days. Or a couple of those days. I'm allowed to. We all are.
I love my little boy. But I hate that all this is happening. I mean somedays I wake up and just can't believe what a twist my life has taken. This time last year. ..I putting on dress pants.. heading downtown.. producing my show and counting the days till my son arrived.
It's been almost three months since his diagnosis. Three months. But this weekend it hit me. I had my breakdown. I don't know why..but it happened. My heart broke for him... for us... for our families.
But you know... it's all OK. We're OK. Jake's OK.
Here's why.... God is in Control.
Little things happen all the time which assures me of that statement.
Like just now.. I heard Jake make one of his baby noises from all the way upstairs when he is suppose to be asleep. My heart melts.
To me that joyful noise is a gift that warms my soul...and let's be honest, a sign I may be up later then I had planned.
So why did I write this for all to see? I felt like I needed to be real and let you know there are bad days. But there are so many good ones.
I'm just taking it day by day..
... step by step.
10 comments:
I stumbled on your blog by clicking that "next blog" header thing. I couldn't resist to post a comment after reading a few of your posts.
You are an incredible person! I admire your strength in your faith =)
and I must say your baby is very cute
Jenny,
Thank you for being honest and sharing your heart. You and David and sweet Jacob are all going to be okay because Yes, God is in control!
Love lots The Lankfords
Jenny, I promise I'm not a stalker, but I do keep up with you through your blog. I wish you were wearing dress pants and driving downtown, but this is a higher calling. And I love seeing pictures of your sweet boy with his Justin Timberlakeish wavy hair!
Oh Jenny-
I sit here with heavy heart and tears streaming because even though I cannot understand your pain... I know the heart of a momma. I saw the hurt in your eyes on Sunday.
That little man has something to teach us all and so many more. God is in control, like you said... and thankfully He knows what he is doing better than we.
I am praying.
Jen your a Good Momma.
Wem Love You.
Jen, just know we pray for all of you every day.
Your a Good Momma and Jake and David are lucky to have you as we are.
Your Mammy
Jen, I was overcome with emotion, tears and goose bumps as I read this post. My heart breaks for you. You ARE special. That is why God has chosen you to be Jake's Mom. Caring for your beautiful, young son in the future will be a big undertaking, but it looks to me like you are prepared to tackle what ever comes his way.
Your deep faith in God has brought you this far and He will continue to guide you all along the way. Trust Him and live "one day at a time".
Thank you for sharing your pictures of Jake, your feelings and all of the latest news of his health updates. I care and look forward to your postings.
Prayers and thoughts to you all. God bless.
With love,
Susan (Margie's cousin in Ohio) makes me your "second" cousin.......
Hey, Jenny! Haven't checked in in awhile, but never fear......I am always here for support.
I want you to know that I am very impressed by you. You seem to be taking everything so well. And.....just so we don't think you're Superman....you show that even the strongest person will have days they struggle through. Luckily, you have the cutest little miracle to help you!!
Love you!!!
Bobbi
Hey Jen just wanted to drop a line to say I finally figured this thing out ( I think). This is the third time I have tried to send something, so let's try this again. Reading your blog made me really appreciate the strength that God gives us each day. Sometimes we take this for granted and sometime we really give up. I am glad the God picked you for this task. Jacob has been God's special gift to you and David and all I can give at this time is my prayers and my inner strength that I have received from God.
Debbie and I will be coming down in October for the wedding and hopefully we can see Jacob at that time. Hugs and kisses to you and Jacob. Oh, and give David a hug from me also...
Jenny, I know exactly where you are. It's okay to feel that way and try not to feel guilty for doing so. It doesn't mean you love him any less. You are going through a grieving process. You are grieving the son you thought you were going to have. Again, that doesn't mean you love Jake less. It's a long process. You will have times like this. I still have them and we're almost 2 years to our diagnosis date (Oct 2). And all you can do is feel the pain, turn it over to God and give yourself a break. Praying for your family...
Jen
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