Do You Trust Me?

So this is a post that's been sitting on my heart for about a week now.

Of course it revolves around Jake. (just so you know his heart appointment is now Monday so it's not heart related)

I am glad that I waited a week to write because I'm where I need to be with the issue. Not ranting and raving or being a big baby.

I have felt this frustration/fear of Jake and his speech. Jake doesn't really talk. I hear things like mama, dada and bye.(I think) But nothing consistent and nothing unless he really, really, really, really wants to.

You all probably have felt a fear bubble before. It starts in your stomach and moves to your head. There's pressure, but thankfully no gas. (ha!)

So I'll just say it. I have been living in fear of Jake not talking. I have been struggling because I've been "mooing" at this child for a year without the first "moo" back. That's frustrating.

I have labeled, I have read... I am tired. I want progress.

So earlier this week. I got on the floor and devoted my entire prayer time to Jake and his speech. I prayed with all my might. I thanked God for giving Jake to me. I praised him for Him being the only one in this family that knows what He's doing. Then... I went quiet. I listened. I just knew he would give me direction. I was kinda scared because what if he told me Jake would communicate differently then others. But I pressed on determined that fear wouldn't hold me back. I heard..nothing.

So the next day... I did it again. I said "Lord, whatever you have for Jake clue me in. Is he gonna talk... or not?" My mouth said..." If he does... praise you. If he doesn't... praise you! " But my heart was fearful. I waited again.. nothing.

Then I turned on the TV. Oprah. Robert Ebert was on. A man who doesn't talk. Was this my answer? I took it as one. I set there not wanting to accept it....but I took a deep breath... said Ok.. and moved forward with a new determination.

But the story doesn't end there. This morning, I got up thinking about the past few days. What I thought was probably my answer and the Lord, in is ever loving and gentle ways....hit me.

In the gut. I heard...."Do you trust me?"

"Why.. yes Lord. You know I do. We've gotten this far? I trust you." I felt relief. I felt peace. I felt...joy.

I felt like my answer was not a yes or a no...it was... be patient.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your understandings.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

So here's where I am. I trust the Lord if I get a yes or a no. Instead of being on edge straining to hear those words from Jake's month. I lean on God's word.

I want so much for my son. I pray God does a mighty work in him. It's all for his God's glory whether he talks or not. Praise Him with me... Praise him for sending one for very special boy my way.

Can I get an Amen??!!!